YOGAYUGA

I read a Chinese article regarding with the culture and live habit advice for the western expats who live in China. This article was originally commented and written by an American woman who lives and works in China, but was translated into Chinese on the web site. I translated it in English here. Personally, I think these are not just subject to westerners only, I would say they are subject to everyone.

You have to express “NO” or “DON’T” when you are under any of these situations in Mainland China. I don’t think they all do happen in Hong Kong commonly as Hong Kong is so westernised.

1. Don’t ever accept praise directly that given by others

Eg. If someone said your kids are very clever, usually Chinese would say “Nah! not at all!”. No one would say “Yes, my kids are very clever.” It’s not humble in Chinese eyes. Some people in H.K. would accept the praise directly. It depends on the family and educational background of individual.

2. Never let others lose face in public

Eg. You can never point out mistakes that your Chinese friends make in public. You can tell them what goes wrong in private. It’s the same in Hong Kong though. If you pointed out the mistakes of your Chinese friends made in public, then very likely you would break the friendship.

3. No temper in the public

Eg. Chinese people don’t usually like people having temper in public. If once you are not happy with the waiter/waitress of a restaurant, you just don’t go back. Try not to show your temper, and keep it low. Anyway, I would say this is for everyone. Occasionally, Chinese people do have bad temper in the restaurant by complaining this and that.

4. Never call Chinese people first name as last name

Eg. This is related to the language. Surname always comes in the front for Chinese name. It’s totally different from the position of western surname. Like my Chinese name, Lee Wing Chi, I am called Miss Lee. Lee is my surname (last name). You can’t call me Miss Chi. Chi is part of my first name.

5. Never have a drink yourself before you give a toast in public dinner

Eg. If you happened to attend a big dinner for wedding or birthday in China, you must give a toast to the host and guests before you drink anything. It means to respect to the host and his/her guests.

6. Never not try to pay bill in front of others for the dinner

Eg. This is important. It does happen to every Chinese society, even in China town of western world unless family background of individual is very westernised. If you had dinner with few Chinese friends, you must rush to pay bill for the whole table in order to express your generosity. It’s very common to see several Chinese people grabbing bill in the end of the meal, and one of them tries to make the payment for the whole table. In my situation, I don’t do it as usually friends do share bill in Hong Kong unless under some special occasion. However, it does happen often in Chinese society.

7. Always bring your gifts when you visit friends

Eg. You always need to bring gifts to your Chinese friends when you pay a visit. This is not so common in H.K. now. It only happens in Chinese New Year and some other important Chinese festivals.

8. Don’t accept gifts right away

Eg. If a common friend of yours did give you a gift, you have to PRETEND not to take it right away. You have to refuse it at the first place, then accept it at last after you have been asked to accept it for several times. Just try to be polite and act not greedy. It’s greedy in Chinese eyes. It’s ok to accept gifts directly from close family members and friends, and relationships between boy friends and girl friends.

9. Don’t ever think “No” is real “NO”

Eg. If you offered your common Chinese friend a can of coke, usually he/she would say “No”, even though they are thirsty to death. You have to ask at least three times, then they would accept your offers. It’s also not humble in Chinese eyes to accept offers from people directly. If I was offered by someone I don’t know well, then I would refuse the offer. If I was offered by someone I know very well, then of course I would take the coke right away by saying “Yes! Please!”

Chinese people are well known humble and being patience. We concern about “face” in public. The above addresses clearly the real reasons.

I remember I did have difficulties to say NO and THANK YOU during the first year I spent in England. When my school mates said to me that I looked good with my dress, I couldn’t say “THANK YOU” directly. I felt bad and not humble by saying so. I was such a traditional Chinese at that time. When one of my school mates asked me to lend her a skirt of mine for the party, I couldn’t say “NO” even though I didn’t want to lend it to her. I felt I wasn’t generous if I refused to lend it to her. You can compare my past behaviours and the list above, then you can understand the real meaning of traditional Chinese.

I now act the way I am, and say “Yes” or “No” upon my will. Of course, I also act part of the list above, but not too much over.